It's been too long

and i probably shouldn't be doing this because i have a LOT to do right now. But i can't function. i can't focus. i'm too stressed out and tense. i'm so nervous about my upcoming finals that i can't look at a page in my book long enough to absorb the information. vocab slides right out of my head the moment i turn the page, and i couldn't tell anyone the difference between and oligarchy and anarchy if i tried (i do know the difference, by the way, just don't ask). i'm getting depressed, too, which is bad for me. i lost myself in a book today instead of paying attention to the teacher, and snapped at my dad when he asked me what homework i had (because i didn't know). i need some serious help, here.

whenever i'm feeling down, i like to do good for other people. it makes me feel better, if not about myself, then about the person i helped. maybe they're having a better day than i am, at least. my school is doing this thing called "Flat Daddies" where they print a life-size picture of a soldier who's overseas and can't be with his family for Christmas, and then give it to them so that he can be 'home' for the holidays. i donated $20 of my birthday money. the people collecting it were so happy (their baskets were empty when i was there). they said i was one of the biggest contributers and wanted me to take a picture for some article in a magazine i think. they must have thanked me ten times or something, and i felt pretty good, but it was weird.

this past Sunday the lead pastor in our church gave a sermon about giving. he said that people mostly just give to make themselves feel better, or just because they have some extra change after buying a liter of coke. i don't want to be like that, but i do want to give. i do want to help people. i thought i should feel a certain way, totally selfless, but i felt selfish, like i hadn't made a difference and had just given that little bit of my money for my own emotional gain. i still don't understand it. it's like it wasn't enough of a sacrifice, like i should have given the spare change and my favorite two-dollar bills, too. i remember that story in the bible, about the poor woman who gave all she had to the church, and Jesus told his disciples that she was the most righteous of all the people who gave. i wonder if i'm like the ones who withheld, if i'm a selfish hypocrite.

what is a random act of kindness, if it is planned? then it's not random...duh. but what if it's planned to be random? what if i brought peppermints to school on finals day and gave them to all my friends, telling them that one mint made them smarter for ten minutes ("smarter" being a relative term, i suppose)? what if i planned to be randomly kind, just to make someone's day? is that weird? i don't know. i should really get back to studying, now. i feel better after all that, maybe i'll be able to focus again.

read a good book, eat good chocolate.
Ali ;)

Spring

dull nights and
Shining days
Filled with fluffy clouds and
Fluffy trees trying to be
Just as lovely
And in their way
They are.

Spring time. it's beautiful. i wish it was spring all the time. but then, i say that about summer, too, and then fall, and even sometimes winter. it's always in the beginning of a new season that i love it the most, it becomes my favorite.

sneaking
poking
slowly emerging
from a soft and peaceful slumber
daffodils bend
and sway in the wind
their faces tilted always towards
the Sun.

Ali.

The Big Apple...dipped in chocolate?

So I went to New York this past Thanksgiving week. It was so much fun!! I got to see a Broadway show and go to the Rockettes' Christmas performance. Times Square was amazing, of course. There were huge, flashing billboards and TALL skyscrapers.

And there was a Hershey's store! Oh my goodness. The moment I walked in I was swept away by the luscious, beautiful smell of chocolate permeating the air! I bought a mug for my dad, two pens, and multiple bags of different kinds of chocolate. The newest one they've come out with is called Bliss, they were handing it out as people walked in the door. Well, I'm sure you can imagine why it was called Bliss...I bought a whole bag of the sinful stuff.

Then I marched with my band in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That was fun. People were dancing to the music we played and doing the YMCA and yelling out "Ghost busters!"

All in all New York is quite spectacular, though I would never want to live there. Too much noise.
Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Keep safe.

Ali out ;)

New book

So i just got this new book for my birthday (Nov. 12!) and it's really cool. it's the kind of book i want to write sometime, when i get more experinced. it's called "The Sight" and it's about wolves in the Transylvanian wilderness battling the invasion of humans into their territory and one lone wolf who has a gift called the Sight.

Anywho, i got some chocolate, too, and it's really good with a good book. been reading since i'm home sick (again!) and eating yummyness!

Yaaaay quote!!!!

"I write for the same reason I breathe -- because if I didn't, I would die." - Isaac Asimov -

Oh. My. Gosh! Does this guy know what he's talking about or what!? I never knew that anyone shared my opinion or understood! My parents think I'm crazy because I "got sick" when they wouldn't let me write! I showed this quote to my mom and said "Ha! now you see. i'm not crazy. just another writer!"

this is going to be the quote of my life from now on. i love it. can't get enough of it. i'm gonna have to do some research on this Asimov guy...woah, he died the same year i was born ;)

Have a piece of chocolate, read a good book.
Ali out (and reading!) :D

Random quote because i felt like it...yay!

What is truly Original in this world anymore except yourself? Therefore, preserve that self, so that you may find you again at some later date, buried under piles of copies.

Yeah i made it up all on my own...plz don't laugh. it's kinda deep, and i believe it's true anyways...

...it's too late to concentrate on anything else. contemplate, reflect, get back to me if you want (that is, if anyone is actually reading this) good night.

ali out -.-

Yay for books and chocolate!!!

The two, by the way, go together perfectly on a rainy, cold, or just plain boring day. i must say that many, too many, of my books have chocolate smeared somewhere on the inside...
So, i just made myself a blog (finally!) and i'm sooooo excited. i've never had one before and i'm figuring it out as i go. i'll be posting poems, stories, and whatever else pops into my head at the time. like this...

rustling pages in a breeze,
sweet bitterness in my mouth
i sigh and smile,
lost in a more welcome world.
black and white letters fill my vision
invade my mind,
and linger long after i have done.

yeah i know, not that great, but it was a spure of the moment thing. Anyways, i'm soooo excited! i hope this will be fun.
Ali out ;)